Finding Hope
by shipeverlarkforever
Summary: "I never thought that I would get to have Peeta in my life again.But slowly he shows me that he needs me just as much as I need him." The story of Katniss and Peeta growing back together after the war.


I wake up from my first good dream I have had in months. It was about the time Peeta and I had spent that one night on the beach during the victory tour. Right before Effie had called us back onto the train. We were walking together hand in hand, and then we stopped to look at the sun setting over the ocean. We watched the sun set for what feels like forever when he finally leaned over and kissed me.

The hardest part was waking up knowing that Peeta didn't love me anymore. He couldn't love me, how could he? I'm stubborn, heartless, and I let him down when he had needed me the most.

I feel an ache in my chest when I see him enter his house across from mine. It had been only a week since he had planted the primroses outside of my house. It was the last time that we had talked. I miss hearing his voice. I miss his laugh and his smile, and the way he would hold me every night. Even though I want him, I don't deserve him, and Haymitch was right, I will never deserve him. And I couldn't inflict this pain and baggage I carry upon Peeta. That's why I have to leave him alone, he's better off without me.

In the midst of my thoughts, Greasy Sae knocks on my door. Only it's not Greasy Sae.

It's Peeta.

We stare at each other, drinking each other in. He looks good. He's gained back his original weight and muscle, and he looks healthier than the last time I saw him. The cloudiness that used to be in his eyes when he first came back has disappeared. He looks more like the boy with the bread I used to know, but the scars that trace his body remind me that he has changed. That I have changed. Seeing him like this reminds me of how much I used to love him, how much I might love him now, and how much I'm afraid to love him in the future.

His voice breaks my thoughts. "I brought you some cheese buns. They used to be your favorite. Real or not Real?"

"Real."

"I hear you screaming at night sometimes, real or not real?"

"Real. I get nightmares."

"I used to comfort you when you woke up at night from them?"

"Yes, we both slept better that way." My heart aches at the memories of those nights on the train.

Peeta hands me the cheese buns and walks back to his house. I know it's better for the both of us that he walks away, but the pain in my chest won't let me let him go.

That night, the nightmares return, just like they do every night. I wake up screaming and start looking for Peeta. My heart deflates at the realization that he's not there, and he won't be there ever again. Having come to that conclusion, it's hard for me to understand why he is at breakfast the next day. No one but Greasy Sae and her granddaughter come to see me in the mornings. Sometimes a half sober Haymitch would make his presence known, but never Peeta. He comes just like he had the day before, bearing fresh bread from his oven. The bags under his eyes help me know he hasn't been sleeping.

I expect him to leave after breakfast like everyone else does, but instead he stays. He walks into my living room and sits on the couch. Not sure of what to do, I follow him and sit on the chair across from him.

"How are you doing?" He asks me. His voice is gentle and soothing, and I know I have to hide my pain from him.

"I'm….fine." He can see the lie in my statement, and the hurt in my eyes.

"Katniss. How are you _really_ doing?" He asks once more. This time, the kindness in his sentence leads me to break down in front of him.

For the first time in weeks I cry. I cry about Prim. I cry about Gale. I cry about my mother. But most of all, I cry about him. He listens to me cry and doesn't say a word. When the grief becomes too much, I stand up to walk away. But he won't let me. Instead, he stands up next to me and pulls me into his arms for a hug. I resist at the feel of his touch on my arms, but I am so weak. I end up turning into him and crying while he strokes my hair, soothing me.

And for the first time in months, I think we have a shot at being friends.


End file.
